The Brain Science of Change™

How do you know if you’re actually changing an unwanted behavior or habit, just “white-knuckling” it through sheer willpower, or only giving lip service to the change process? First, if we’re going to talk about the signs of true change, then of course we have to talk about the brain. When I hear someone ask the question, “How will I know if I’m changing?” my first response is, “You’re always changing!”

The brain and the rest of the human body are all about change. For example, every minute 30 to 40,000 dead skin cells fall from your body, and within about a month’s time your body makes a whole new layer of skin. Every minute, 300 million cells in your body die and are immediately replaced with 300 million new cells. And when it comes to the human brain, change is constant. Every piece of information that we take in through our five senses from the world around us alters our neural connections; every thought changes our brain circuitry. So, by our very makeup we are built for constant change. The question is not “Am I changing?” but rather “How am I changing?”

Your brain is “neuroplastic,” meaning it is moldable and shapeable. Based on the thoughts that you consistently allow to dwell on the stage of your mind, and the behaviors you repeatedly act out, you literally “build your own brain circuitry.” If you have unwanted habit circuitry that has been built over time, you can shrink that circuitry and replace it with new healthy habit circuitry. By your very nature you are changing all the time. But how do you know if you’re changing for the better; if you’re overcoming your unwanted behaviors and moving forward on your desired path?

You might be thinking, “Oh come on Mark, it’s not that complicated. You know you’ve changed if you stop doing your unwanted behaviors.” Whether we realize it or not, change isn’t that simple. We build unwanted behaviors over years or decades of repetition, and then expect that we can change those behaviors overnight. Change is not a single event—it’s a process, a journey where we learn, grow and evolve over time. And when we measure our success solely on whether or not we have completely eliminated an unwanted behavior from our lives, we deprive ourselves of the wonderful experience of recognizing and celebrating all of the little successes along the way. In essence, when we focus only on the desired destination, we miss much of the miracle and wonder of the journey itself.

What are some of the signs of change—the evidence that someone is really changing? Keep in mind that the following is not meant to be a comprehensive list of all the signs of change. These are some of the leading indicators of change that will help you determine where you are on your own journey. Use this as an opportunity to discover and celebrate your successes and to identify areas where you would like to improve.

10 Signs of Real Change—

1.    A Powerful Motive—When you’re serious about changing unwanted behaviors, you have a mindset that says, “I will do whatever it takes to change.” This kind of commitment to change is what we refer to as an “unconditional willingness.” The opposite of this, is a mindset of “conditional change.” You know you have this attitude when you find yourself saying things like, “I’ll do anything to change so long as it doesn’t involve …” or “I’m fully committed to this process, but just don’t ask me to ….”

2.    Hope and Confidence—Even though you still have moments of weakness and temporary setbacks, you begin having some success. With each success, you start to develop a feeling of hope and confidence—confidence that over time you really can overcome your unwanted behaviors. You use each small success as a stepping-stone to more success.

3.    Awareness—Another sign of change is that you’re becoming more aware of the environmental and emotional triggers that lead to your unwanted behaviors. You become progressively better at “thinking about your thinking.” You start to recognize when your stress or negative emotions are heightened and you begin to refocus and redirect your thoughts to healthy outlets. If you do have a slip, you’re more aware of the things that led up to that slip and you’re better prepared to be successful next time.

4.    Accountability—You can also refer to this as “openness and honesty.” You know that you’re ready for long-term, lasting change when you start letting go of secrecy, excuses and blaming. When you face the fact that you alone are accountable and responsible (response-able) for your own decisions and actions, then you can really start making progress. And once you are completely honest with yourself, and stop blaming others, you will start being more open and honest with those close to you.

5.    Feeling and Thinking Differently—You can literally “feel” your brain changing. You notice that you are starting to think differently. You begin to realize that having needs and dealing with negative thoughts and emotions are a normal part of life. Choosing to fill your needs and respond to your thoughts and emotions in productive, healthy ways is the real key.

6.    Persistent and Consistent—Another sign of change is that you bring a sense of urgency to the process. If you find yourself being complacent and saying to yourself, “I’ll get around to that tomorrow” or “yeah I know that’s important, but not that important.” If you find yourself in this place, it simply means that you need to refocus, recommit and get back on the path of persistently and consistently engaging in the “daily doing” that brings about real change.

7.    Genuine Regret vs. Toxic Shame—You know that you’re in the process of change when you feel and then use “genuine regret” for past behaviors as part of your motivation and fuel to keep moving forward. Of course, if you take this to the extreme, it can become “toxic shame” which usually triggers self-hatred and self flogging which are severely counterproductive to the change process.

8.    Patience—It’s human nature to want everything “right now.” One of the signs that you are truly changing is that you have a sense of patience in your change process. You realize that when it comes to real, lasting change there are no “quick fixes.” While you do have a sense of urgency about wanting to change, and you’re seeking to have little successes each day, you’re willing to be patient and keep moving down your own personal path of change for as long as it takes. Too often, people give up because they “couldn’t wait for change.” They wanted it right now, their way, on their terms.

9.    Forgiveness and Self-Love—You know you’re experiencing change when you’re able to keep moving toward self-forgiveness and the forgiveness of others. You’re also able to start seeing yourself outside of your behaviors. While you take full responsibility, you also realize that you have great intrinsic worth and value that has nothing to do with your unwanted habits or behaviors.

10.    Connection—Another important evidence that you’re on the path of real change is that you find fulfillment in connecting with others in meaningful ways. This starts out in simple ways, such as making eye contact or smiling at a passerby; it could be little acts of kindness. Here’s what one of my clients had to say about connection as a part of the change process—

“If I knew nothing of brain science or of any concepts for change except one, it would be learning to serve others. My bad habits are all about self-interest and self-gratification. When I’m in that place, all I’m concerned about is “my pain,” “my problems,” and “my difficulties.” Then I started grasping the importance of helping others; becoming interested in others; lifting and serving others. I started to find that with this kind of focus I just didn’t have the time or desire to pursue unwanted behaviors. For me, I discovered that it was impossible to be consumed with myself, while I was deeply concerned about others.”

I hope these signs of change have given you some valuable insights, and help you realize that positive change is absolutely possible. If you’re serious about starting down your own personal path to real, lasting change, I invite you to start taking those first baby-steps today—you’ll be glad you did!

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Welcome to my new blog—The Brain Science of Change

As my colleagues and I help people all over the world with their addictions, negative habits and unwanted behaviors, we see a very common scenario—virtually everyone has a significant misunderstanding and under-appreciation for their magnificent brain and it’s inherent power for change.

You may not realize it, but your ability to overcome any unwanted habit or behavior is built into the very structure of your brain itself. It simply requires an understanding of how the brain works and how to harness and direct its power. We call this The Brain Science of Change.  

The human brain has amazed and baffled people throughout the ages. Some scientists and researchers have devoted their entire lives to learning how the brain works. Here are some facts about your brain that you may not know:

Physical Attributes

• Your skin weighs twice as much as your brain.
• Your brain is 75 percent water.
• Your brain has over 100 billion neurons.
• Each neuron has between 1,000 and 10,000 synapses (connections).
• Because your brain has no pain receptors, it cannot feel pain.
• There are 100,000 miles of blood vessels in your brain.
• At 60% fat, your brain is the fattest organ in your body.

Brain Function

• Your brain uses 20 percent of the total oxygen in your body.
• The old adage that humans use only 10% of their brain is not true. Every part of the brain has a known function.
• The brain can live for 4 to 6 minutes without oxygen, and then it begins to die. No oxygen for 5 to 10 minutes will result in permanent brain damage.

Psychology of Your Brain

• You can’t tickle yourself because your brain distinguishes between unexpected external touch and your own touch.
• There is a class of people known as “super-tasters” who have more taste buds on their tongues, and have brains that are more sensitive to the tastes of foods and drinks. In fact, they can detect some flavors that others cannot.
• The connection between body and mind is a strong one. It’s estimated that that between 50-70 percent of doctor visits for physical ailments are attributed to psychological factors.

Memory

• Every time you recall a memory or create a new one, you change the physical circuitry in your brain.
• Memories triggered by smell have a stronger emotional connection, and therefore appear more intense than other memory triggers.

Dreams and Sleep

• Most people dream about 1-2 hours a night and have an average of 4-7 dreams each night.
• Studies show that brain waves are more active while dreaming than when you are awake.
• Some people (about 12 percent) dream only in black and white.
• While you sleep, your body produces a hormone that may prevent you from acting out your dreams, leaving you virtually paralyzed.

Stay tuned for more on The Brain Science of Change and how you can harness and direct your brain’s amazing built-in power for change and success.